#5

Truly, the most interesting people I know are entirely mysterious. The seduction of the unknown, is that I get to use my own delicious imagination. The thrill of ideas and thoughts, and these elaborate passages that twist and writhe deep into my mind... there is nothing better to me than savoring the magic of the unanswered questions.

-Andrew Tipton, For the Love of Motion

Musical notes dance and flit and glide their way through the air as my mind drifts, as it always does... to the memories... the memories etched deep into my heart, that stay with me and never leave, even if I forget about them for a spell.

They come back. They always do. Like now, in the middle of sweeping symphonies and the warm amber glow of the night lamp perched on the edge of my desk.

Late-night texts that turn into thoughtful conversations.
An e-mail from the friend you haven't talked to in ages.
An accidental brush of skin against skin.
Being pleasantly surprised that second impressions were nothing like the first.
Baring your heart to strangers as they do the same.
Enjoying the company of someone you might never see again in a long time.
Sharing comfortable silence during a lull in intense conversation.

During car rides. In quiet cafes with quirky music playing. Under the moon's ethereal glow. Besides swimming pools. At camps. Surrounded by many people. In parks in the afternoon. When no one else is around.

Unexpected? Always. Satisfying? Immensely.

The memories are richly varied, painted across a colorful canvas of different experiences, places, and people, but they always take me back to the same place: a place of mystery, discovery, adventure, curiosity, seduction, anticipation, and the thrill of being alive.

A place where expectations, obligations, and fears... simply cease to exist. A place where the future looks hazy... and it doesn't even matter, because you're so caught up in savoring the now. You can't explain the 'why's and 'how's, but none of that matters when you're fully immersed in just taking everything in.

Those memories... are like looking into a kaleidoscope for the first time. A slight shift in angle, and everything changes. Light refracts different colors, shapes, textures, patterns, into beautiful design. Every little detail becomes absolutely captivating. The endless possible combinations of patterns is almost mind-boggling. You can't explain how or why it works... but you don't really want to. You want to keep turning it, examining it, exploring the variations in design as you marvel.

I find the more I cannot explain why something is, the greater my fascination, the greater my desire to discover more about it. The moment I begin to think (because sometimes we perceive things inaccurately) that I can know or understand it fully, the dangerous thought creeps in that I can predict and control it. That desire for control is counterintuitive to another desire... the desire to savor and enjoy something as it is, without trying to control or alter its nature or behavior... because the moment I do, it ceases to become the very thing that drew me to it in the first place.

And so in moments like these, when the kaleidoscope of memories comes rushing at me, I remind myself that my uncertainties, the curiosities, the things I want to know more about, the things I feel helpless about, the things I wish I could change but I realize I don't have to... these things are necessary. Necessary to keep that precious place in my heart alive - the place the memories always take me back to.

Alive. Unfettered. Nothing holding me, and holding on to nothing. Free to savor, taste, explore, dream, discover, imagine, create, feel. 

It's a beautiful place to be.